After moving to Arizona and trying to get my life together, I have spent my entire life here pressuring myself to be perfect. I had to be smart and know everything in order to achieve the best grades, to achieve people's respect. Being short, petite, skinny, and a woman [that too a COLORED woman], I had to work extra to gain respect. I had to be beautiful, have every hair in place with the nicest haircut and dress to the nines with impeccable classy style. I had to be independent and spend every minute working and challenging myself and doing everything people ordered and wanted me to do. I had to keep all my feelings inside because weakness wasn't tolerated. Not in a situation where you have to continuously prove yourself, even to yourself.
I believe all of this stress and pressure has finally caught up with me. My body can't take it anymore. I've been sick and run down this past week. My soul can't take it anymore. I spend all my time crying and worrying that I'm always two steps behind everyone else in life. I spend all my time wondering if I'm smart enough to get my EA, be a CPA, get in law school.... freaking even get a job now.
It's tough to feel so lost.
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1 comment:
aw hun. don't worry. be happy. everything will fall into place... don't waste another min thinking things like that.
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