i think my sadness was deeper:


a part of me is so scared that i'll end up having a relationship like my parents. this distance sometimes scares me that i might happen... i start to think too much.


we are not my parents.
we are NOT my parents at all.



nothing is like them.... i need to stop seeing them as an example of marriages.





i'm a lot happier these last 2 days. i've been doing a lot of getting out of rut soul searching shaking up and really getting independent adn doing what i love. i think sitting at home just feeds to lonliness. i think i will go to the library and study and barnes adn noble more often. i like being around people and people watching. spending a lot of time with my dad has been helping too... and cleaning all of darwins damn doggy hair hahahaha